The Kardashians Are Trying to Rewrite History
Don't fall for it.
Has anyone noticed the Kardashians’ latest attempt at clinging to relevance? I’m talking about their recent-ish pivot to “honest bestie.” You might’ve seen Kylie go viral earlier this month for revealing the details of her breast augmentation, and the name of her doctor, in the comment of a TikTok. She was subsequently praised all over the internet as a girl’s girl, which apparently today is the highest form of compliment for a woman. (That’s another essay for another day.)
Now, it seems like Khloé is trying to cash in on some of this goodwill, too, taking to the comments of an Instagram Reel to set the record straight about her own cosmetic procedures.
She lists her various plastic surgery and beauty regimens, tagging the relevant providers. “Here’s a list of things I have done,” she wrote. “I’ve been very open in the past about what I have done so here we go.”
So first of all, no. “I’ve been very open in the past”?? The recent past, maybe. Maybe!! Does nobody remember in 2021, when Khloé scrambled and threatened to sue anyone who posted an unedited bikini picture of her that had surfaced? Her PR team claimed it was for “copyright infringement,” but I think it was obvious that the real infringement was of her Facetune facade.
Khloé didn’t admit that she’d gotten a nose job until 2022, which she received in 2019. And does nobody remember circa 2015 when she went on a huge media tour claiming she got her “revenge body” (read: butt) from just doing squats? That was her thing for about a year or so.
If you are a famous person, it’s fine — I would say, positive, even — to be open about whatever surgeries and procedures you’ve had. And I actually think it’s great (if a bit overkill) that Khloé is going beyond the standard “I had rhinoplasty” to list out her facial treatments, but for her to claim she’s always been transparent is gaslighting, and I don’t mean it in the way kids on TikTok say about anyone who has a slightly different perception of the world. If she had always been open, then none of the headlines would be variations of “Khloé Kardashian Breaks Her Silence” or contain the word “reveals.” Also, this is all coming from the girl who edits herself into a totally different person from one Instagram photo to the next, but you know, whatever.
This family’s trend towards honesty (“honesty”) started back in 2023, when the Kardashians finally decided to have a conversation on their show about the unrealistic beauty standards they helped to solidify.
“What are we doing with our power?” Kylie asks. Then almost in the same breath, she continues to deny plastic surgery, dismissing claims that she’s “gotten so much surgery to change her whole face.” “I’ve only gotten fillers,” she says.
Right. You’ve only changed the shape of your face through injectables, not “plastic surgery.” Totally different. What are we even doing here?
This is why I can’t take this “new honest era” of the Kardashians seriously — because they’re still not being honest. And anyway, it’s not enough. It might have been revelatory if they’d talked about their own toxic beauty standards in in, I don’t know, 2014? Back when maybe there could have been some public course-correction, from them and from the media? I know I’m being optimistic here, but still.
Instead, they waited 10 years so they could profit off their lip kits, and shapewear, and fucking protein popcorn, and whatever else, until they finally came back to say, “Oh well actually, we were never insecure intrinsically, it came from society and our mother.” So??? They want to frame it as, “Poor us, we had no choice but to make our looks our entire brand, profit off them endlessly, all while telling the public they could look like us if only they bought this $30 lip kit.”
Please, give me a break. Like everything else this family does, this is far too little, way too late, with a clear ulterior motive. One thing I am glad about no longer working at a millennial media company is all the brain space I’ve saved now that this family is no longer in it.
What I’m Reading:
Julie Chan is Dead by Liann Zhang: The first half is Yellowface; the second half is Bunny by Mona Awad. A bit disjointed from the first to the second half, but I still thought it was a wild, fun ride that does a good job of critiquing influencer culture.
Upcoming Shows:
Spritz & Giggles 7/10: My monthly comedy show at the Motto Hotel in Chelsea is back, baby! And we’ve got a fab lineup. Tickets here.
really love this